Therapy For Athletes

How much control do you have and want to have over your mind and body?  I suppose that’s been the question on my mind recently as I struggle with anxieties, mostly related to the future.  I see the years passing and for the first time I see the toll they are taking on my parents and aging relatives.  Our family has been blessed with good health, but there’s this pestering dread that the luck is going to run out.  I guess I’ve been watching my mom, a woman of boundless energy, struggle with her fears about aging and the accompanying losses.  My mom still works, but considered retiring because a close friend from work was doing likewise.  The thought of  slipping into the twilight of her days didn’t sit well with her.  The funny thing is, that will be me.  I never want to stop doing what I enjoy and what gives me a sense of purpose.  Still, time and circumstance can steal away so much no matter how vigilant or forceful your will can be.  You may go down kicking and screaming, but you go down non the less.  It sucks, but such is reality.  I guess that’s why you cherish every moment.

On an athletic note, I completed my first race as a Team In Training coach.  It will be weird not have my team at the trainings.  I’ll miss them.  I couldn’t have asked for a better way to end their season, seeing most of them run at the Flying Pig and finish what they started last year.  They came such a long way and I couldn’t be prouder of them.

Just a short entry before I try to fall back asleep.  I still am conflicted about not pursuing the lead position at work, although I’m building a good case in my mind for not  jumping at the bite.  Being patient has not always been  my strong suit, but instinctively, there’s this internal voice telling me to do just that.  I’m actually beginning to apply the lessons I’ve learned from endurance sports into other parts of my life.  Part of me questions if that’s such a great idea, but often in life, different aspects of who you and what you do interest and spill over into one another.  To be more specific, in training and competition, there is both a long and short term plan where everything builds on itself.  For one important race, hours of preparation and focus over a period of months is set in motion well before you set foot at the starting line.  A lack of vision and readyness can be costly in terms of performance.  To win the battle but lose the war offers little benefit.  Not pursuing this small promotion is the equivolent of passing on a race because it doesn’t fit into the larger picture.  For instance, I’ll be passing on a local 5 miler because I have an Olympic distance triathlon in  two days which, in and of  itself, is a dress rehearsal for national triathlons later in the summer.  Again, it goes back to having a well mapped out course for this season with priorities well established ahead of time.  Now my thought is, if I’m planning so hard for my athletic endeavors, shouldn’t I be doing something similar for my life?  Doesn’t it make sense, if you see what works in terms of racing, to apply it to other things as well. 

The other lesson I’ve learned is in terms of competition.  It’s often hard to see people advance ahead of you.  Again, it goes back to the boundaries you set with yourself and others.    You create a split balance of focus between what you and those around you are doing.  If you get too caught up in the distraction, you loose your own internal focus.  That said, if you completely block everything out, not only do you lack a clear idea of race position, you are putting yourself in danger by not paying attention to your surroundings.

A couple of other thoughts.  You have to run your own race with the understanding that you will pass and be passed by others, perhaps more than once.  You strive to strike a balance of competitiveness and camaraderie along the way. You always play fair and respect those around you in any competition.  You have to make peace with yourself regardless of what happens.  You have to remember there’s always other races.

I just completed another article for Amateur Endurance (www.amateurendurance.com) titled:  10 Ways to Feel Better About Your Self As an Athlete.  Basically, it looks at ways athletes can incorporate their sport into their lives, leaving them feeling balanced and more fulfilled.  It’s often hard writing such an article without feeling somewhat hypocritical.  Not to say I don’t practice what I preach, but, like many people, I fall short of my ideal.  I feel as though my heart and ambitions write checks I’m not able to clear.  The unfortunate consequence is my training takes too much precedence; I can be short and dismissive of others; I can be neglectful of  less enjoyable responsibilities and obligations, and the list can go on.  Still,  the intention is there as is the promise of self improvement in all aspects of my life:  personal, professional, and athletic.  This journey of self discovery (or rediscovery in some instances), finds me  in an acceptable place physically, mentally, and spiritually.  Is it where I want to be?  No, but somehow now it seems within reach.

Perhaps the fact I haven’t been putting as much effort into this blog is a good thing.  It probably means I’m sleeping better and spending more of my waking hours getting back to basics:  family, career, training.  But tonight, I’m a vampire again.  It’s pushing 4:00 a.m. and can’t seem to fall back to sleep.  Family, training, and coaching are going well.  What’s on my mind is my job.  For those who don’t know, I work in a community hospital providing mental health services.  I just turned down an opportunity to pursue a promotion and am still struggling to come to peace with my ego.  Why did I turn it down?  Frankly, emotions aside, the pay increase and headaches were completely disproportionate.  Still, by not applying, I’ve also set another set of wheels in motion.  There’s a line in a Rush song – “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.”  Fortunately, I am fully aware of the choice I have made.  Actually, the decision I’ve made is to step aside from the politics and focus more on the patients and community I serve.  I’m more resolved than ever to follow my own conscience and my own path. I find it better to lead by example than by title.  It goes back to having to answer to yourself at the end of the day. 

On a sports related note.  I raced in the Martian Half Marathon, which by all accounts is a great race.  I’ve been battling shin splints and the flu, but still managed to finish under a 7:30 minute / mile pace.  Injuries and illness aside, it was a great way to start the season.  It was also a special race because some of the people I coach ran it as there first true endurance event.  I was very proud of them.

More to come………

It’s been a while since I’ve updated anything here.  I’m preparing for the Martian half marathon in Dearborn, MI and completing my second article for Amateur Endurance (www.amateurendurance.com).  I’ve been pushing my running to the limit, and eventually crashed after Wednesday.  Fortunately, I was wise enough to listen to my body and took it easy, especially with my shins starting to act up.  I’m both excited and nervous about my first race for 2009.  I’ve been putting a lot of focus and effort into my training.  It will be interesting to see how much (or how little) it pays off.  I’m worried I’ll be disappointed, but reality is what it is.  So if I don’t do well, it’s a matter of re-evaluating what I’m doing or not doing and moving forward.  I have a long season with plenty of races ahead. 

Coaching is going well.  It’s certainly been a learning experience, in mostly a positive way.  I work with a great group of runners and staff at Team In Training (www.teamintraining.org).  The only negative has been how all consuming it has felt.  I sometimes feel guilty whenever I put my teams on the mental back burner.  I want to feel connected and know I’m doing all I can to support them, but I also need to not think about things so much.  It’s just so important to not let anyone down.   Especially when I see all their efforts and feel so positive about my relationship with these folks. 

I’ll be updating more as the season gets underway.  Till then, it’’s more training and preparation.  Warmer weather and some pay off for all this work will be well received.  Still, I can’t complain.  It’s been fun watching the NCAA men’s basketball tournament.  Love March Madness.  Wish I would have done some brackets.  It was disappointing to see Michigan lose, but at least my Alma Matter, Michigan State is in the running.  GO STATE.

I’m currently writing an essay for Amateur Endurance (  http://www.amateurendurance.com/ )  which looks at a favorite theme of mine: the solitude and community of endurance athletes.  It’s always such a balance between having a sense of belonging and being comfortable on your own.  In my own life, I’ve vacillated too far in both directions only to return to a happy medium.  There are times I simply enjoy the company of my own thoughts and the sights and sounds of nature as I train without the hassles and demands associated with even the best of relationships.  At other times, excessive introversion and relfection becomes lonely and isolating.   It is then when the effort of sustaining meaningful friendships and connections with others becomes imperative.  Hopefully the essay will be completed soon.

Even though this winter seems to last forever, there’s the reality that February is coming to a close, spring will eventually arrive, and I’m off to the races (literally).  Planning my races for the season always seems to put me in a good mood.  As of now, my triathlons include:  Motor City, Cleveland, Chicago,  and Washington D.C. (possibly) in addition to some smaller local events.  My running races include:  The Martian, BrooksieWay, and The Detroit Free press Marathon (or some other fall marathon as I’m looking to qualify for Boston)  plus the local 5 – 10 K’s.  I’ll also be coaching the Flying Pig in Cincinnati and the San Diego Rock & Roll Marathon through Team In Training.  All this anticipation is elavating my training and focus. It’s what I needed to get back on track. 

Not so much out of anxiety, but more in prayer and reflection of what matters most, I hope everyone in my life stays healthy (including myself) to enjoy this upcoming season and also share in my accomplishments.  I also want to be mindful of the needs of others as I can become a little consumed at times in my passion for this stuff.  Lastly, I want to know at the end, regardless of what happens and whether I exceed or fall short of my expectations, that I did my best.

This vampire session finds me more at peace with the world (I usually write in the early, early  morning hours before the sun is up.)  Even though my training hasn’t dropped much in terms of effort and performance, I’ve felt sluggish.  Funny how your mind can play tricks on you, questioning your confidence and potential after just a few uninspired days.  I believe the looming dread surrounding the economy is  permeating into the way I’m thinking about everything, from work to athletics.  It’s hard to see and hear about so many people being left vulnerable and compromised in their way of  life.  These are scary and uncertain times as your perpetually waiting for the next shoe to drop.  There’s that instinctual response to hold back and conserve rather than risk moving forward.    Still, for some reason today ,I feel more secure, even in these  insecure time.  Not that I see an end to this economic mess, nor do I feel impervious to it’s toll, I’m just reminded of the need for faith to balance the anxiety of the unknown.  After all, there was so much at stake for the generations before.  What would have happened if they would have crawled into a hole rather than rising up to confront the challenges of their day.  So, I’m still in quandary about my training funk.  I wonder if it’s something physical or mental.  I’m not sure.  At least it gave me an excuse to write about this sad state of affairs which has been bothering me.

I suppose it’s funny how you try to make peace with different parts of yourself.  There’s the dreamer who wants to experience and achieve everything.  That’s the side of me searching the net for the most exotic, challenging endurance events out there.  Then there’s the more tentative, and perhaps realistic, part saying is the risk and effort really worth it?   Lastly, there’s the analytic me who asks why am I obsessing over it in the first place.  Aside from my significant ties and obligations in the world,  I have my neurotic self to contend with and please.  Sometimes it can feel like a lot of pressure.  Again, I’m laughing because my initial idea was to market myself as Ironman Freud.  The disappointing reality is, I’m neither.  But if I was, what would be the cost?  It’s such a balance between accepting who you are while never letting go of who you want to be.  I suppose it’s an age old struggle.  One which won’t get resolved anytime soon.  Unless you’re a slug, in which case you don’t care, or you’ve done and got it all, in which case sign me up for your next workshop. 

With Valentine’s Day come and gone, I’m still thinking about the passions and desires we carry in our hearts.  Who and what we love drive our actions and shape our lives more than anything else.  In subtle, and perhaps not so subtle ways, we are lifted out of bed and carried throughout our day by those  people and things that give us meaning, pleasure, comfort and and hope.  For me, my wife and daughter, my family and friends, my occupation, and my athletic pursuits rank right up there.  In addition, I honestly enjoy the more immediate gratification of a  good meal or the escape to someone else’s imagination through  movies,  music, or other arts.  Lastly, there’s something to be said about pursuing my own muse and crafting experiences that will resonate in my memory .